SAG Wrap

Almost 1am....I got home from the awards a little bit ago. I've found my calling - sneaking into awards show after parties. I don't know if I'm good at it or it's just easy, but I'm now two for two. More on that in a bit.

This was the first show for which I was on the Red Carpet, and it was a blast. I was just kind of holding our station's place until the real reporter showed up, so it wasn't really my job to do interviews. But since I had a microphone and recorder, I figured I'd throw out a question or two to anyone interesting who came my way. Since I was only on my own for the first part of the arrivals, however, the pickings were pretty slim (no one who's anyone shows up early). I got to talk to B.J. Novak, one of the Actor/Writer/Producers of "The Office" (he plays Ryan, the guy who was a temp and the object of the Indian chick's obsession). I got off a few good questions and he was a nice guy - the kind who seemed like two years ago he was sitting at home watching these things and now he's more than happy to be answering questions about a show he's proud of. The cast of "Grey's Anatomy" whizzed by and didn't answer any questions, which wasn't a huge surprise considering it was all the loose talk at the Golden Globes that got star Isiah Washington in trouble just a few weeks ago. Eva Longoria stood just out of reach of the press, talking on her cell phone and looking hot, and most of the movie actors arrived five minutes before the show started and didn't take any time to talk to radio. Except Will Smith...he gave us two seconds and then was whisked off by his publicist.

Successfully doing your job on the red carpet is like playing chess - you always have to think two steps ahead. When you're in radio, you're at the end of the line, right before the celebs walk in the door. At first, you might think "Great, they all HAVE to walk by me." But by this point, they've already stopped to chat to a billion other outlets, and if they're in a hurry, the last thing they want to do is spend time with radio - especially local radio. So you have to butter up the publicists. You talk to their small-time clients, like the second lead female on Deadwood, so that when they bring a big name through they remember you. But you're also playing a waiting game, and sometimes no one comes through for a long time...so the creator of "Boston Legal" walks by and you think "Why not...I don't know this guys name, but he looks familiar, so I'll talk to him." And while you're talking to him, Martin Sheen goes sailing past. So now you have a split second decision to make: Do I be totally rude to "Boston Legal" dude and walk away in the middle of his sentence on how nuanced he thinks his character are, or do I treat this guy like a human being, and in the process miss on of the best actors from "The Departed?" Being new to the game, I don't have the heart to play the celebrity one-upmanship game, but I saw it happen time and time again by the more seasoned people. It sucks, but it's part of the business. But the worst was the pushy publicist.

Some publicists are good, and when their star is making the rounds, they'll go a few media outlets ahead and say so-and-so is coming by if you'd like them to stop. This is nice, and they get that not everyone's face is recognizable and it saves the embarrassment of having to ask "Who are you?" while you're interviewing someone. But the worst is when they come up WITH their star and say "Would you like to speak to blah blah?" And what are you going to do...say no right to the person's face? That's how I ended up talking to Kim Dickens from "Deadwood."

Now, poor Kim Dickens, because she's talking to a "reporter" who isn't going to end up using any of the sound, and I stopped watching the show after the first season so I have no idea what to ask But she's right there, and I have to ask something RIGHT NOW. So I throw out the old "Who are you most excited to see tonight?" Which is a bullshit question because it's not at all about the person you're talking to...you're basically saying "You're not that big a celebrity, but there are OTHER big celebrities here that are more exciting than you. I'M more interested in talking to them, but since I'm talking to you, who do you like that's more famous than yourself?" And while she's giving some bullshit response, I'm trying to think of another question...So I ask "Have you ever been to Deadwood?" It was one of the places I stopped on my trip, so hopefully she was there and I can talk with her for a little bit about that. But she's never been there, and she launches into some answer about a small puddle jumper plane, while I'm looking over her shoulder to see who everyone is rushing over to try and talk to. I thank her and wish her luck, not even really knowing if she's nominated for anything (she was - best ensemble cast).

Other than that, us radio reporters tried to amuse each other. There's a solidarity among radio folk, because if Awards Shows are like Thanksgiving dinner, we're constantly are forced to sit at the kids table while TV folk are the grownups who can drink alcohol and tell off color jokes and make out with their cousins in the coat closet. One of my reporter friends I had a running bet - $100 to the first person to ask any of the child stars if they'd do a rape scene (a la Dakota Fanning's controversial new movie that premiered at Sundance earlier this week). Neither one of us had the balls to cash in, but it would have been easy money. The kid celebs are the easiest to talk to...their parents have NO problem shoving their little meal tickets in front of a mic.

The Golden Globes provided the media with free beer, but SAG offered only water. So after asking around, I found out that the only after party actually on site was the one being hosted by People Magazine. A few twists and turns down a few dark hallways later, and I was in the land of open bars and free food. There's no real secret to how I did it...I just followed the sound of crappy music and coke snorting until I was under a tent. I passed through a couple of doorways guarded by security types, but I've learned that if you walk briskly with your head up, don't make eye contact, and look like you know where you're going, you're probably not going to be stopped.

The People party was pretty nice - full bar of all top shelf liquor, waiters floating around with duck taquitos and goat-cheese stuffed grapes, and tons of food stations with elaborate desserts and trays of prosciutto wrapped chicken and barbecued salmon. I quickly downed a vodka rocks with a splash of lime juice and circled the room. It was huge, with a DJ and comfy couches, but rather light on celebrities. Unless you count Michael Madsen and Lance Bass. Which I don't.

On second thought, I shouldn't talk shit about Madsen. He might slice my ear off.

I would have stayed for a while, but I had to get back to work and cut sound. Plus, I was carrying my huge laptop bag, which weighs about thirty pounds when packed with equipment. That was the only thing stopping me from breaking out the running man when "Sexy Back" pumped through the speakers. That, and the fact that I'm not gay. A few more drinks, though, and who knows what might have happened...