Don't Half-Ass It

Will someone explain to me why we still celebrate Columbus Day? Is it because we can't let go, even when our heroes are proven as false idols? Is it because we're that desperate to cling to the myth that this country was founded by a white European male? Or is it because to get rid of the holiday would mean that we'd have to finally face up and accept the fact that this country was founded on genocide and slavery?

It's probably a bit of all of the above, mixed in with a bit of Italian mafia strongarming (I've seen the Soprano's - I know how the mob feels about Columbus). To most American's, it's just a day when the traffic is lighter. Most people don't stop and think about Columbus on this day, or take a moment to reflect on the Pinta. It's a shame, really, that we even have holidays we don't even take the time to celebrate.

Yep, you read that right. I'm pissed that we don't pay Columbus respect on his holiday and I'm pissed that his holiday exists in the first place.

If you're going to have the day marked off as a FEDERAL holiday, why not go all out? And on the same token, if you're going to celebrate the day with sheepish indifference, why celebrate it at all? If it's going to be government sanctioned, I say put on your Columbus Day party hats! Honor the man's memory by setting out to go Chili's, but instead go to Red Lobster and call that Chili's. Drive to the nearest Indian casino and give a Native American a fatal disease. Slap a big sign on your car that says "Santa Maria" and drive to somewhere you've never been. Just do something. Because the point of these holidays is to make the residents of this huge mass of land feel some sort of connection to one another. The point shouldn't be to give postal employees a paid holiday to plan mass murder. And if we've all come to the conclusion that we just don't care, then it's time for the holiday to go.

And I'm not just pointing fingers here - I'm as guilty of blase celebration as anybody. Last Monday was Yom Kippur, the most holy day there is for Jews. You're supposed to atone for your sins from the previous year by fasting and reflecting and sitting in a dark closet for 10 hours remembering how bad a person you are and trying to focus on ways not to be such a schmuck next year. And I fasted, but I did little to no atoning. I went through the motions and took no time to pause and think about why I was depriving my body of food. I completely missed the point of the day, which is enlightenment through suffering. All I did was suffer for a few hours and then gorge myself silly, proud I had managed to not eat for a grand total of 24 hours, 12 of which were spent sleeping. Going through the motions is a pattern we've become satisfied with, and it's not healthy.

If you're going to commit to something, don't half-ass it. If you're going to commit to a war in Iraq, don't half-ass it. If you're going to commit to being the highest paid baseball player in history, Alex Rodriguez, don't half-ass it. And if we're going to commit to celebrating a man who discovered America but thought he was in India, don't half-ass it. We owe our genocide committing, slavery endorsing forefathers at least that much.