Hey 29

On this day 29 years ago, my mom very uncomfortably shoved a human out of her body. And while I appreciate when people wish me well on my birthday, when you think about it, she's the one who should get the accolades on this day. People should come up to her and say "Way to endure all that pain so many years ago. Kudos to you, ma'am." All I did was go on the equivalent of a very short human water slide.

I mean sure, in years to come the day of my birth will be the cause of much rejoicing 'round the world. Kids will get the day off of school, postal employees will sleep in, and government workers will lazy it up on their own time. A small child will ask his mother why, on this day, do we not go to school? And she will respond with a fascinating tale about the greatest radio legend/blogger that ever lived. And on that day it will be appropriate, and perhaps mandatory, to celebrate my greatness.

So I've managed not to die for 29 years, and that's a good thing. Life is going well - I couldn't possibly be happier with my new job. Well, I guess I could. Not having to be there at 4am would make life a little more rosy. Waking up at 3am is on the painful list just under child birth and right above face transplant, but this profession which I've chosen, which I love, is a cruel sleep-depriving mistress, and I knew that when I got into this relationship.

By the way, I'm still doing segments every week over on the Schnauzer Logic Podcast and on the KSCO morning show every Thursday at 6:45am, streamed at www.ksco.com. Make sure to check out this weeks podcast, not only for my brilliance, but because Robin and the gang interview my friend Ali Waller, who is a writer on The Showbiz Show with David Spade. It's a fun interview and you'll learn a little about the process of writing, comedy, and setting your apartment on fire with candles.

I'm still the television critic for both shows, and anyone who's watched even a second of TV these days has been bombarded with political ads. It's election season, so that's normal, but it seems we have a heavier flow this year than in the past. Perhaps that's just in California. It's been interesting to watch them, because since I haven't been paying as close attention to politics this year than in years past, I'm seeing the commercials through new eyes. Normally I can watch the commercials and call bullshit on most of what they're saying, but this year I'm trying to actually learn from the commercials. Here's are a few things I've learned so far:

Cruz Bustamonte was fat, and now he's just slightly less fat.

Dianne Feinstein's granddaughter would vote for her.

Commercials for Proposition H make me think of Preparation H.

We should elect Phil Angelides governor because in college he hated Richard Nixon.

Some doctors want me to vote for the cigarette tax, and some doctors don't.

George Bush led the country into war, so I shouldn't vote for Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Anyone opposing former Governor Jerry Brown eats babies.

Every proposition helps children and hurts children. However I vote, something will happen to children.

It saddens me that most people base their voting decisions solely on commercials. Personally, I think they should all be banned. Politics should not be a reality television show where you base your opinion of a person or proposition on what you see on your television. I guess it doesn't really matter, since we're just going to be nuked by North Korea anyway. So until Armageddonddon, don't vote on Tuesday if you're not informed. Do it for the children.