Galveston, Texas ~ Miles Traveled: ah fuck it
If anyone has told you Texas is hot and Texas is big, they’re right. I guess I had to see for myself, maybe everyone has been lying all this time. Maybe the people of Texas don’t want anyone moving here, so they spread stories about the heat and humidity in an effort to keep people away, but really it’s a lush green land of chocolate filled rivers, moderate climates, and birds that shit silver dollars. Ah, If only that were the case. Its hot, it’s humid, and I’m covered in mosquito bites. I thought maybe if I went to gulf it would be cooler, and I was sort of right, because the temperature here is about ten degrees lower than central Texas, but the humidity is 900% higher. I cooled off this morning by swimming in the 78 degree ocean, and I think I was wetter coming out than going in. It’s so hot that I’m going to ignore the sexual connotations of that last sentence.
In a way, I’m not really being fair to Texas, because I’ve been expecting it to “Wow” me without really giving it a chance. I haven’t done any research or any planning so that I make sure I hit the best parts of the state, I’ve just kind of been wandering around it haphazardly. San Antonio was pretty cool – the River Walk is nice and I saw the Alamo, but I don’t know that I’d go back. I guess that’s the main thing I’ve found about the largest state in the lower 48; I’ve yet to find anything that would make me want to come back. The coast is a lot nicer to drive along because the ocean is better to look at than barren desert and cows, and it’s nice to see so much undeveloped beachfront property, whereas in California it’s all built upon right up to the water. Of course I know that the reason there’s not much building on the coast is that it all gets washed away every couple of years, but it’s still nice. And that’s not to say there’s no development – there are pockets here and there where the brave have dared to build houses on stilts. But I can’t for the life of me realize why people would want to live in most of this state. Maybe it’s just that I’m here at the wrong time of year, and I hate to come off sounding so judgmental, and if anyone in this state is reading my blog I’m sure to get a boot upside my head. So far the people have all been very nice, polite, and kind, and despite the woman who told me this morning she thinks the reason there’s been so many hurricanes is because God is obviously mad at us and bringing his wrath down upon us, I’ve yet to meet anyone remotely close-minded. In fact, my intolerance of this state is the only intolerance I’ve come across. Shame on me.
Tomorrow I’ll be in Houston, giving Texas it’s last chance to blow my socks off, and then it’s on to Louisiana. I wish I had more exciting stories to write, but it’s just bee a lot of driving and sweating for the past few days. I’ll try to pick up a hooker or smoke some crack before I leave.
44 comments:
Are you sure you're not in Florida? Maybe pick up a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader. Second thought, go with the hooker.
Like being in injun country, it's a good thing you shaved your head because the local's would be willing to do it for you.
I wanna hear some real action when you get to Louisana. Some cajun close encounters. Tales of the NOLA. When in NOLA stop by and say hi at Scully Elly Voodoo joint.
http://www.thejukejoint.com/sculelvoodjo.html
P.S. you missed the best part of Texas by driving from San Antonio south to Gavaston... namely the Texas hill country west of San Antonio. I think Robert Earl Keen is still living in Banderas.
COOL PLACES IN LOUISIANA
If you hit New Orleans, and you want to find places off the beaten path:
- Frenchmen Street in the Faubourg Marigny, just downriver from the French Quarter.--much like Haight Street in San Francisco; a certain "grunge factor" and the street can be kinda dirty but the music overrides the negatives. Bourbon is overpriced and dirty.
- Friday night at the Faubourg Marigny
- A bar, known as the "Carousel" as much for its decor as for the fact that it really does revolve in a constant 360 degree circle
- ShimSham Club right on Toulouse Street
- House of Blues (touristy but cool)
- Cafe Du Monde
-Kerry Irish Pub on Decatur Street in the French Quarter
-City Park at sundown and take in a free dusk concert. 1 Palm Drive, New Orleans, Louisiana
-Cemetery/Voodoo tour (St. Louis #1) and a Garden District/Cemetery tour 514/947-2120
- Chacahoula Tours has a very cool swamp tour. You ride in a small boat so you can get closer to birds and gators than those big tours. 504-436-2640 or 800/299-7861.
Or one of these:
www.bayouairboattours.com
www.honeyislandswamp.com
- The Voodoo Museum in the northern part of the French Quarter
- Oak Valley Plantation http://www.oakalleyplantation.com/
I disagree with anonymous.
In fact, I take offense.
-Biggs
Anonymous 1, 2, or 3?
I think that was the joke.
Thank you , Mr. Anonymous #5 for educating me on humor.
By the way, is there anyone out there who isn't too chicken shit to show his face or stand up for anything he believes in by putting a name down here?!
I'm OK with putting my name here.
Oh sure... but you have a cool name.
Don't call me chickenshit.
Sincerely,
Anne Onymous
cut and paste from:
Baton Rouge Picayune
L.A. Jew-boy blows into town and blows it.
Jason Nathanson, formerly of Los Angeles, rumbled into town with his big city attitude and his German Microbus and is now on the county correctional bus to Lousiana State Prison in Angola.
Mr. Nathanson was heard to yell "I'm an American you fuckers! You'll hear from my lawyer", as he was taken away in chains after being convicted of 37 "crimes against nature" and 1 count of furnishing alcohol to an under-age Junior High school student. His family in Los Angeles made a statement through their attorney saying "we have no son."
Attorney's for Mr. Nathanson stated that "we will appeal, but a bald headed Jew Boy with an ear ring... Jesus, we aren't miracle workers here... he going for a wild ride on 'ole Sparkey."
Jason, don't worry...we'll all come up with bail money. Tell us where to send it!
It's too late.
Jason is probably somebody's little lady at the state penitentiary by now.
Should have ditched the earring, Jason, before they put the handcuffs on.
OH MY GOD! Jason is in jail? What happened? Someone tell me what's going on? When did this happen? Is he okay? Jason, are you okay? Why didn't anyone tell me? JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSOOOONN!
I don't think he's really in jail or he would have told us.
Idiot. If he's in jail, he can't tell us. Maybe he's dead.
If he were dead, why didn't he tell us?
Someone has been smoking too much weed on this page and it ain't me.
That would be me.
But is he dead or in jail?
Jason R.I.P.
That was so not funny dude.
Jason, if you're out there, you owe us an explanation. Are you dead or in jail?
If you don't answer this, we'll assume you're dead.
I'm dead.
Will they be shipping the body back here?
I shall get out my black clothes.
How did he die? Maybe he got shanked in the prison system for because he ain't nobodies Old Lady.
Or maybe he got shanked in the joint because he was too many guy's ole lady.
Don't panic anyone. The note above was not from the real Jason, but from a bogus imposter. We need Jason to come back from the dead to confirm he is dead. Or a body will do.
Jason could give a shit about his readers or he would have written us from the grave and told us what it was like.
Things are getting a little tense here. Perhaps a joke will lighten up the mood.
A nerdy accountant was caught stealing millions and was convicted. At his sentencing the judge said "I've had it with you white collar criminals getting easy time at the country club prisions where you spend your days working on your tennis game. 10 years San Quentin." Jason... oh sorry, the nerdy accountant hadn't planned on hard time and was bused to the Q where he was thrown in with a rather large African-American gentleman named Bubba.
"Hey man did they tell you about the prisoner companionship program?" Bubba asked the trembling Jason... dang, sorry, Nerdy accountant. "Ah, no, I guess they forgot to." replied the accountant. "that's cool. I'll tell you. It's like this. You can be the husband, or you can be the wife. I'll even let you pick" declared Bubba. The accountant knew that if he picked "wife" that Bubba would be butt raping him everynight for the next 10 years. On the otherhand, if he was to eager to pick "husband" Bubba might get suspicious and over-rule him. "Ah, gee, that's a hard one" said Jas... the accountant. "I guess I'll be the... oh lets see, the husband". With that Bubba replied "Dats cool. Now get your ass over here and suck your wife's dick!"
Hmmmm... in retrospect, perhaps this wasn't the best joke for the situation. Sorry.
Yes, entirely inappropriate.
Especially if poor Jason's dead from a disease he picked up from Bubba.
Quick Poll folks!
Jason is:
1) Alive, but too lazy to report in.
2) Deader than the proverbial doornail.
3) In Copenhagen undergoing sexual reassignment surgery.
4) A newly formed Zombie after he pissed off a VooDoo priestess.
or
E.) Getting laid for the first time in 2 years and walking around lost somewhere in a sex stupor.
Your underestimating Jason's sex life. I had sex with Jason at least twice this year.
Bubba.
Perhaps we should ask Molly about Jason's sexual activities.... but remember, you have to pet her first.
My vote is #1 because he scored some good weed in Louisiana.
That two-timing bitch. Jason said he only had sex with me. Where does Molly live? I will get rid of Molly.
Bubba
Molly meant nothing to me. Bubba, sweetheart, I only want you.
Jeeeeesus Jason. Isn't Molly your dog? Reminds me of the joke about the guy who won a shots drinking contest and the next day came in sick and hungover. He said to the bartender "last night I was soooo drunk I went home and blew chunks." The bartender says "no shit sherlock, you must have had 17 shots. Anybody would get sick drinking that much." "No, you don't understand man... Chunks is my dog."
You're forgiven, Jason. Bring Molly, the dog, with you when you stop by lock-up. We could have a good time.
This site is being monitored.
A Rabbi walks into a bar with a frog on his shoulder. The startled and excited bartender looks this over and delcares, "Hey, that's pretty cool..............Where'd you get that??"
To which the Frog answers, "I got him in Brooklyn........they're hundreds of them there!"
Frankly, I'm starting to get a little worried. Has anyone heard from Jason?
I'm guessing he never left LA and is faking this blog.
Fess up Jason! Time to come clean.
Yeah seriously, something might have happened to him...so if any friends or relatives have heard from him...can you let us all know?
I'm alive, and a fresh post is up. I'm touched by all the concern! Seriously, I'm touching myself right now. I promise that if I die, I'll post from the afterlife.
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